Baby of Mine
by iEvenstarEstel
Summary: Set in my "That One Time In The Cretaceous Era" verse. Connor is finally ready to tell Abby about his past.


AUTHOR's NOTES: This one's a bit out of left field, methinks. Strangely though it's also more real. My friend's mother is in the same state as that which I've given to Connor's, for the same reason. So while it may not exactly gel in the context of the show, it seemed the right way to go this time around. This'll probably be the last tale in this little universe. Maybe. It might be time for some action/adventure/romance for our favourite couple.

Baby of Mine  
2010 Evenstar Estel

_Baby mine, don't you cry. Baby mine, dry your eyes.  
Rest your head close to my heart, never to part, baby of mine.  
Little one, when you play, pay no heed to what they say.  
Let your eyes sparkle and shine, never a tear, baby of mine. _

_If they knew all about you, they'd end up loving you, too.  
All those same people who scold you,  
what they'd give just for the right to hold you.  
From your hair down to your toes, you're not much, goodness knows. _

_But, you're so precious to me, sweet as can be, baby of mine._

Connor had always tried to reign in his emotions, to hide them away. He'd always believed they made him look weak and pitiful. Growing up being small and liking dinosaurs and books it certainly didn't help the situation if he allowed himself to cry too easily. But his emotions always did get the better of him in the end. He cried at funerals. When others stood stoic, looking everywhere but at the caskets being lowered in to the ground, Connor could not tear his eyes away and let his tears flow without reservation. There had been other times, but in recent memory, since the existence of anomalies came into his life he'd shed many tears. When he thought Abby had been drowned in a canal he'd gone home alone and gutted and cried with no one but Rex to comfort him. He'd cried at another funeral when his friend and colleague Stephen Hart had been torn to shreds by a myriad of predators. And he'd cried when his mentor and Professor friend Nick Cutter had died, in Connor's own arms. It seemed to Connor now that his luck had been steadily changing.

When Abby had told him she was carrying his child, he burst into tears almost instantly. He'd been dying at the time, hooked up to machines and IVs, and knowing that such a miraculous part of him might go on had shook him to his foundations. Blessedly Connor had gotten better and he'd shed tears again on the day and and Abby had married. The wedding party and guest list had been small, just Sarah as maid of honour, Danny as best man with Becker, Lester and his wife and a few other colleagues from the ARC in attendance. He didn't mind that he cried as he recited his vows, because Abby was crying twice as much at the time. They never asked each other why neither had family with them that day. And lastly Connor had cried nine days past when after 14 hours of labour and just under an hour of very intense pushing his son had come into the world. Connor wasn't sure who was crying more at 3am on a Tuesday, he, Abby or baby Nick. Connor was pretty sure it had been him. Looking at the small, wet, wrinkled little human that the doctor laid on Abby's chest, Connor had felt the entire universe palpably shift around him. He wondered if this is how Cutter had felt when he'd returned from the past and Claudia Brown was erased, only the exact opposite. When the baby let out a squalling cry Connor had crumbled. It was the single most happy moment of his life.

And now nine days later Connor lay on his side watching Abby seated in the rocking chair in the corner of their bedroom singing a lullaby whilst nursing their newborn son. The room was predominantly dark, but Abby had opened the curtains to let the moonlight in and now she and baby Nick were bathed in it. She looked like an angel, hair illuminated white with Nick's tiny hand starfished on her breast. When she began to sing Connor had felt a strange pang in his heart and reminded him a time long past, a much simpler time when all he knew was that he was safe and loved. He'd always know Abby could sing, be it dancing around whilst the radio played a song she liked, or when they drove in the car. But in truth, he'd never really listened to the soft purity of it. The look on her face was one of complete bliss. He`d never seen anyone so in love as Abby was with her baby. _Their _baby. The whole idea made him emotional and now the reality was overwhelming. Coupled with Abby`s voice and the contented stretches Nick did as he suckled, Connor couldn`t help himself. He watched them intently and let the tears come. She sang her song twice before Nick had his fill and had fallen asleep. She righted her nightgown and wrapped his blankets tighter around his little body, laying his head against her heart while she rubbed his back.

``My mother used to sing to me too," said Connor quietly. "I can still remember it." Abby hadn't noticed Connor had wakened and smiled when she looked in his direction. But then she noticed his wet face and the tears that ran down to his chin she grew worried.

"Connor, are you alright?" she asked softly.

"Yeah, yeah. Just seeing you two there, it got the better of me. You look really beautiful Abby." Abby smiled bashfully at the compliment. "Has he settled? Can you bring him here for a cuddle?"

"Of course." She rose and brought Nick over to his father, laying him gently on the bed on his back close to Connor's chest. Connor marveled at how large his hand looked at his lay it protectively on Nick. He bent down to kiss the baby's forehead, breathing in his scent. Nick looked so much like him, Connor's features mirrored in miniature. From the wisps of dark hair on the baby's head, down to the shape of his feet, Nick was his father's son. Abby crawled in next to them and pulled the covers over their bodies to keep the warmth in. She lay her head close to Nick's so she could look into Connor's eyes.

"You look sad, Connor."

"A little. It's not important, I have everything I need right here and it makes me the happiest man on Earth."

"Connor, it is important if it's hurting you. You said your mother used to sing to you. You've never told me about her. Or your father."

"My father's dead, Abby. Has been for ten years."

"And your mother? Is she gone too?"

"Huh. Funny you should say it like that. Yeah, in a manner of speaking she's gone too." He was obviously shaken by reliving whatever memories haunted him. "Yeah, I'll tell you. You trusted me enough with your secrets. It's only fair I tell you mine."

"Only if you're ready. Only if want to."

"Abby there's nothing I can't tell you. It just hurts is all." Leaning over their sleeping baby, Abby kissed his mouth long and languidly until he relaxed. Nick yawned and stretched, making a funny cooing sound that had his parents smiling. Connor wondered if his parents had ever had moments like this with him. He'd never know. "We were a good family. Me, Mum, Dad and my older sister Caitlin. We ate dinner together every night, went on holiday every summer. It was great. Caitlin and I were friends too. She two years older and was quite a bit different than me, very beautiful and very outgoing. She had a million friends it seemed. I was the opposite, kept to myself, my books, my studies. But she never tried to change me, never put me down for it. I really loved her. Mum and Dad were, just typical parents. Mum taught school, Dad worked in a office. We were boring, happy people. I think Dad was a bit disappointed in me for being a geek instead of a footballer, but the fact that I always got perfect marks in school balanced it out. I passed just about every A level I could take with flying colours."

"I'm not surprised about that, you're brilliant." He smiled at her compliment.

"Anyways, that was the bulk of my life before the accident." He shuddered and ran his hand over his face, steeling himself for what he was about to reveal. Despite being asleep, Nick was a very squirmy baby and flailed out, hitting Connor in the face with the back of his hand. Connor took the proffered hand and kissed it. He could do this, he could tell Abby. He felt like he could do anything now that his life was finally complete and full of love. "When I was seventeen, my gap year, we were all supposed to go over to France. Dad was thinking of buying this cottage near the coast that he wanted us to spend the summer fixing up. I got it in my head that I didn't need to go, didn't want to go. It was stupid really. I just wanted a break from everything. I'd studied so hard, I was stressed, burnt out. I just wanted to be alone. There was a Star Trek marathon on the telly I wanted to watch. I couple of my friends wanted to go to this comic book convention in London. It was all superficial, meaningless stuff that made me think I didn't need to be with my family. Mom had cried, Dad was disappointed, Caitlin was angry. I did feel bad about it, but I pushed it down. I decided that I should be selfish, have a little fun for once."

"You're anything but selfish Connor. You're the opposite." He shrugged, unable to truly believe it.

"It wasn't anything spectacular, just a car crash. Someone wasn't paying attention and crossed into their lane and hit them head on. Witnesses said my parents car flipped over multiple times. My dad was killed instantly and Caitlin died during surgery that same day. Mum, that's something... else. My whole world caved in on itself in a second. I got a phonecall from the British Embassy with the news. Can you imagine how messed up that is when you're seventeen?! I didn't know what to do. I didn't have any aunts or uncles. The only money I could get my hands on was what I had collected in a jar and what little I had in a bank account. I was seventeen!"

"You went to France," Abby stated, imagining her husband's painful journey to claim his dead family.

"Someone from the Embassy met me and took me to the morgue to identify Dad and Caitlin. They made arrangement to send them back home. Then they took me to the hospital where mom was..." His voice broke and he couldn't speak. Nick awoke and began to fuss. Instinctually, Abby took him into her arms and gently rocked him until he settled again. She placed him down in the cradle next to her side of the bed and covered him with a blanket. Once returning to bed, she opened her arms and Connor melted against her, laying his head on the pillow of her breasts. She kissed the top of his head and stroked his hair.

"Your mum didn't die in the crash?" Abby asked, prompting him to continue.

"No, she didn't. She was injured, a broken arm, lots of cuts and bruises. She, uh, she sustained a head injury, a pretty bad one. She stayed in a coma for three weeks and when she woke up she just wasn't me mum anymore. I was alone at Dad and Caitlin's funeral. There were friends, co-workers and a few distant relatives, but I can't remember anyone of their faces or their names now. When her body was well enough to travel I brought her back home, set her up in a long term care facility. Bit by bit her mind came back, eventually she could talk again, she could read, do things for herself, but there was pieces missing. I think because I was there she came to remember me. And eventually, she started to remember Dad and Caitlin. I brought her all our family albums and we looked at them every day for months. Eventually I had to make some tough decisions. Money was going to become an issue. I wanted to start university, not let my scholarship and student loans go to waste and mum was going to need to be taken care of. I _really really _ wanted to be a good son and stay with her, Abby. I just... _couldn't._ I got the house sold, and most of the stuff inside it. I got all the money put to mum's care. When I came to say goodbye to her she thought I was twelve years old and asked where Dad was. Her mind just jumps around. She can't remember conversations she's had an hour past. She doesn't always recognize me. She's got all our pictures on the wall of her room and most days she doesn't have a clue who we are. I would've been easier if she died too."

"You know you don't mean that. It was just too much for a seventeen year old kid to handle. "

"Sometimes I think I do wish she'd died. If I could've grieved, then I could put it behind me, but she's just existing in this weird half life! And I just can't bring myself to go see her anymore. It hurts too much to have her look at me and not know who I am, or still think that I'm just a kid and haven't done all things I've done or seen all the things I've seen. It's just... it's..."

"It's heartbreaking, Connor. You've hidden it so well, from all of us. I certainly never knew."

"It got easier, once I got into uni. Eventually it was like I just forgot. Then came Cutter, the anomalies, and everything else. My whole life before just faded into the background, like it didn't happen. It wasn't until an hour ago when I heard you singing to Nick that I remembered. Seeing how much you love him, it makes me wonder... "

"The answer is yes."

"What?"

"Yes, your mother still loves you. Deep down she's still your mum and she still loves you." Connor hugged Abby tightly, burying his face against her chest and tried not to allow himself to cry again. Instead it was Nick who took up the challenge and let out a wail. Connor was up in a flash and over to the cradle, bringing the baby up into his arms.

"S'alright Nick, Daddy's here. Looks like his nappy's wet, we'll be right back." Abby watched her husband take their son off to be changed and sighed. She was in awe of Connor. He was stronger than she thought. It was one thing to miss what one never had, thinking back to her own wretched childhood, but to have had a loving family and lost it, especially at such an age, it was a tragedy. Connor returned a few minutes later with a soporific baby in his arms. He sat down on his side of the bed with Nick cradled to one side, with a gesture he coaxed Abby over to nestle at his side. With the three of them huddled together Connor began to feel the universe balance itself out again.

"Maybe... maybe when Nick's a little older, we'd could go visit her. Just in case..."

"Yeah, course we can."

"Do you think maybe you could sing that lullaby again for a bit? Y'know, cause Nick likes it so much." Abby pressed a kiss to Connor's throat and snuggled deep against his bare chest before she started her song again.

"_Baby mine, don't you cry. Baby mine, dry your eyes. Rest your head close to my heart, never to part, baby of mine..._"

The End


End file.
